Tuesday, December 13, 2005

His mailbox still fills with
College reunion reminders
Medical bills and financial statements
Furniture ads and donation requests
While mine carries sympathy cards
And holiday wishes tempered with bittersweet reminders
That something is missing.
There is so much I want to remember
And so much I wish I could forget
The postman delivers it all unbidden
A grab bag of emotion.

In my dreams,
I am wandering around a darkened house
Trying to find things.
"Ah, there you are" I say
Turning around to see him there
"Now you can explain things to me"
Shaking his head he points out
He is only part of a dream I am having.
Mom is there too, so natural beside him,
Dinner is cooking, stew, and I am making
Cornbread, but where are the eggs?
Always something missing and I must improvise
Its up to me now, they say.

There is a patient cat
A loving man
Hot showers to wash away tears
Not already shed into soft fur or sweatshirt
Tea made by a caring daughter
Cookies dotted with candy cane bits
And a tree pretty as any we've had.
That lightbulb missing in the string -
That note not sung - That place not set -
These holes - they need a space in my heart, but not too big
Leave room in Christmas
For the present promises of comfort and joy to fill me.

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