Tuesday, May 10, 2005

A friend at work has been bringing our department camera to events lately and as usual, all the pictures of me turn out terrible. I think there are probably fifteen photos of me in existance that I like (or at least 15 from my adulthood) and the rest I would gladly burn. This is not so surprising - many people dislike photos of themselves - other than I usually look at myself in the mirror and like my face, so it isn't rooted so much in the general hatred of my appearance as much as how it gets caught on film.

Each day my aol homepage rotates pictures of people in the news, and today I am reflecting on this subject because there is one where I completely recognize the look on the woman's face, and I realize it mirrors the sort of smile I have on my face in each of the handful of pictures I like of myself. What I find disturbing is... it is a picture of someone who has done something so despicable that I don't even want to stain my blog with this picture. But it is a moment in time where this woman feels confident, sexy, in fact irresistable, and despite drab clothes and background, there is no hiding that she is loved by someone and for this slice of time she has no question she is graced by this. He has given her what she doesn't have on her own and knowing their story, she paid a big price for that smile.

I saw that same smile looking back at me in the mirror about a month ago while I was being hugged by someone from behind, and for a minute I didn't recognize myself.

I can't even begin to imagine doing the crimes this woman in the news committed, but suddenly this morning I believe I can understand the motivation.

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