A line cast, a hope followedSaturday, November 13, 2004
It’s funny how I’ve gotten this far, and now I’m tired of it all…
Living with a perfect moment, it haunts you
It sits there in your dresser drawer,
A brochure from an art exhibit
Just beneath a card that says goodbye
The year between those two moments
Should fill pages more,
But I just can’t summon the energy anymore.
iv
It ended in an airport in Phoenix.
To say my heart broke at an airport gate
That’s really sort of trite
He was a “beautiful fucked up man”
Perfectly in love again two weeks later
Leaving me mistrustful in my own skin
After this fall from grace
I began to cover myself up,
Like Eve, embarrassed and exposed
Unsure how I could have been so naive.
I know you think this is a gift, a moment like this
To treasure your life through
But it has defined me too often
The branches and roots of that tree of knowledge,
Wrapped themselves around my heart, choking it,
Describing themselves as love
Demanding nothing less,
Forcing me to face backwards into memory
I am ready to relegate this all to myth
Blame a serpent, blame the sin,
Relinquish the ecstasy
It is past, it is a scar, it is time for it to heal over.
The dog has long since left
Seeking the cool draft of a door frame
The abandoned shoe lies tilted sideways of the desk
Is it done now? Yes, I think the sap is dry.
v
Putting it here,
I ask for exorcism,
Absolution.
Help me shake it loose,
Drop the fruit to seed
In some other garden.
Tell me a different story of Eve
There is a whole orchard full of trees,
A new season of sap that must run,
Other fruit that must ripen in time
Living with a perfect moment, it haunts you
It sits there in your dresser drawer,
A brochure from an art exhibit
Just beneath a card that says goodbye
The year between those two moments
Should fill pages more,
But I just can’t summon the energy anymore.
iv
It ended in an airport in Phoenix.
To say my heart broke at an airport gate
That’s really sort of trite
He was a “beautiful fucked up man”
Perfectly in love again two weeks later
Leaving me mistrustful in my own skin
After this fall from grace
I began to cover myself up,
Like Eve, embarrassed and exposed
Unsure how I could have been so naive.
I know you think this is a gift, a moment like this
To treasure your life through
But it has defined me too often
The branches and roots of that tree of knowledge,
Wrapped themselves around my heart, choking it,
Describing themselves as love
Demanding nothing less,
Forcing me to face backwards into memory
I am ready to relegate this all to myth
Blame a serpent, blame the sin,
Relinquish the ecstasy
It is past, it is a scar, it is time for it to heal over.
The dog has long since left
Seeking the cool draft of a door frame
The abandoned shoe lies tilted sideways of the desk
Is it done now? Yes, I think the sap is dry.
v
Putting it here,
I ask for exorcism,
Absolution.
Help me shake it loose,
Drop the fruit to seed
In some other garden.
Tell me a different story of Eve
There is a whole orchard full of trees,
A new season of sap that must run,
Other fruit that must ripen in time
