Tuesday, October 05, 2004

I ran into some salmonella this weekend. The nausea resulting from seeing an old lover is so much more satisfying, you can rant against and blame someone who becomes the receptacle for the way you've made yourself sick, whereas there's just nothing worth raging against in a simple case of food poisoning, nor do you get any say over how long you will be miserable. Lime jello anyone? (lest anyone worry, I seem to be over both the salmonella and the heartbreak, this older poem just seemed relevant to the way I spent the weekend)


Pillowcase soaked
Green glow of the stereo
Refracted into glistening stars
By eyefulls of watery memories.
The dial's light makes my room yours again
Your closet, each shirt, in detail
The low pock marked ceiling,
Leaking whiffs of cigarettes and late night movie voices
From the lonely upstairs neighbor.
The hum of the fridge,
Your arm reaching over me
To turn off the bedside lamp.
I smell your day's skinkeep,
Feel the weight of your body release
Into the slow breaths of sleep
All of this so vivid
It makes me dizzy.
And I retch
And retch
Trying to forget what it was like
To feel happy
Sleeping in your bed
Wishing I could scrub cry vomit the memories bare
Bleach myself white, clean, empty of you

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