A line cast, a hope followedFriday, August 27, 2004
I had several work deadlines today due before 4:00, and I went to bed last night a bit stressed knowing I would have trouble meeting them. But at 5AM I awoke obsessed with trying to figure out if my garage was long enough to build an addition that could house my aging father (who currently lives alone in L.A.). Then I thought maybe I should just move to a house where there'd be another bedroom he could use. (my house is too small). Then I started in on the questions about how his addition to the day to day family dynamics would change our home life. All this continues to swirl in my busy mind, alongside the growing panic that I surely cannot do my work tasks on 5 hours of sleep. Sometime around 6 I fell back into a fitful sleep, and 45 minutes later the alarm dragged me up to shower and let the dog out. I stared out the back door, and thought "hmmm, just how long is that wall along the back of the garage?" and the mind is off and running again. "We'd have to change the whole garage roof line, a bit more of a project than just extending the walls" all the while struggling with how I am challenged spending time with my Dad when I visit him the last few years, and then "hmmm, shouldn't I have enough patience and compassion to look forward to spending each day with my dad when there are limited days left?" Then it occurs to me, that very spot I was thinking of for the addition was where I had dreamed not so long ago of putting in a small sunroom and meditation area. My dad's a talker and the quiet of that place in my mind seemed too great a dissonance to get past, so I moved on to wondering if any of the smaller houses in my neighborhood were up for sale. :) At that point, work seemed like a viable alternative to further thoughts on becoming a sandwiched mom/daughter, and I headed off to find coffee.
I love my Dad. I am a single mom, and there is rarely quiet of any kind as it is, you might say my kids believe children should be seen, heard, and then heard some more. "Mom?" "Mom?" "Mom?"
He needs as much or more listening time as my two kids, and has a hard time dealing with them talking, until things devolve into one big competition for air time with me. As if I'm such a precious audience!
I am thinking, that we could share dinners and survive. I want to be there for when he is sick, and I don't want him to be lonely. I'm fairly sure I can't live with him following me around the house talking as I do my chores, getting up early so he can chat before I go to work, and there's no way this is going to work before the election is over with. :) A townhouse, or house, early next year, around the corner, walking distance maybe, dinners (especially if he cooks on work nights) and doctor's appts, and we might remain sane and friendly to each other. He'd love my son's baseball games.
Or maybe he'll decide he'd rather move to my sister's town instead. I guess she's losing sleep too.
I love my Dad. I am a single mom, and there is rarely quiet of any kind as it is, you might say my kids believe children should be seen, heard, and then heard some more. "Mom?" "Mom?" "Mom?"
He needs as much or more listening time as my two kids, and has a hard time dealing with them talking, until things devolve into one big competition for air time with me. As if I'm such a precious audience!
I am thinking, that we could share dinners and survive. I want to be there for when he is sick, and I don't want him to be lonely. I'm fairly sure I can't live with him following me around the house talking as I do my chores, getting up early so he can chat before I go to work, and there's no way this is going to work before the election is over with. :) A townhouse, or house, early next year, around the corner, walking distance maybe, dinners (especially if he cooks on work nights) and doctor's appts, and we might remain sane and friendly to each other. He'd love my son's baseball games.
Or maybe he'll decide he'd rather move to my sister's town instead. I guess she's losing sleep too.
