A line cast, a hope followedTuesday, June 29, 2004
In which God-in-me and I argue about desire.
I need to change.
But what if I'm not enough.
If I was enough, the men in my life would think so.
But they loved others, some of them they loved more than me.
It has to mean some part of me wasn't lovable.
I confuse love and relationship.
But now I am alone.
I wish there was more.
I am all that I embrace.
I need to change.
I am all that I am.
But what if I'm not enough.
There isn't more to be. I just am.
If I was enough, the men in my life would think so.
The men in my life do and did think so, they loved me.
But they loved others, some of them they loved more than me.
Why do I think that to be enough, I have to be only?
It has to mean some part of me wasn't lovable.
Maybe it has to mean that love isn't constrained.
I confuse love and relationship.
Love is a gift. Relationship is a commitment. Love is fluid. Relationship has boundaries.
But now I am alone.
Do I love now? Yes. I am not alone.
I wish there was more.
The desire is to find the parts I've disowned. I want someone else to reclaim them.
I am all that I embrace.
