Wednesday, June 30, 2004

"A friend is someone who knows the song I sing in my heart and sings it back to me when I forget it."

(Actually this quote is a bit painful for me but that's another story.)
I know this comes as no surprise, but I forget who I am sometimes. I lose my power of self perception, and there are lots of reasons, many of them inside my control, but there it is, I wake up and have forgotten.
Or should I say, I've forgotten the parts of me I've worked so hard to cultivate. Intellectually if someone asked me if I was a worthy person, I could tell you why, but it isn't my head that's forgotten, its my heart. I distort myself when I look in the mirror until at some point, I stop looking.

Yes. I should work on recognizing why I've forgotten, work on addressing the self doubts that got the upper hand last (night, week, month, year) realize that I am my own worst enemy and manually turn the tide.

I probably do some of those things. I don't really indulge in self pity much. I might realize I need to meditate more, or walk more, or read more, or give more, and go seek those out. I try to get a better night's rest, because sleep deprivation is my trigger. I walk away from relationships and situations which don't nurture my soul, even at a pretty high cost.

I also know my friends will help in a way that all my intellectualizing won't. I realize this is not the version that psychologists champion, but I think friends and my connection with them is a means of seeing the real person in the mirror, the reflection as they view me, unclouded by my fog of insurrection.

We don't pick as friends people who mirror back traits we dislike. The friends we have often carry the traits we admire, aspire to. And they haven't chosen us to be companions on the path because we remind them of their flaws. The mirror they hold up to me isn't a fun house mirror, isn't one full of lies to boost my egos: my friends reflect back to me the person who brings value to their lives. And I think I do the same for them, I certainly try to. When I look into the mirror they hold up, I remember the parts of myself I had forgotten. When I hold up a mirror, I am simply reminding them to wipe the glass clean so they can see themselves as I do.

Is this so wrong? Why do we think we should be totally self reliant? Our bodies often can heal from a sickness on their own, but if we can get a jump start on it, through antibiotics or vitamins or herbs, does it hurt to use them to boost our healing time? Support our immune systems? If we don't over do it? Could the same be said of friendship?

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?