Friday, April 09, 2004

From a comment Leslee made to the last post, I wonder, do most of you find it more reassuring to feel puny in the context of the universe, or more terrifying? I fall into the former catagory. Somehow the perspective that no matter how huge and significant things seem for a moment in my little corner of life, that the rest of the world still looks up and sees the sun and moon, stars and sky helps me cope with my own stuff. That I'm but a fly speck in the overall context of the quadrillions of molocules moving in our current state, and even less so in the context of history, leads me to ask "how badly can I f**k it all up"? On the other hand, the "miracles" of existence are so huge, things like the Aurora, or the idea that most lifeforms successfully birth new lifeforms, that evolution has created such a myriad of adaptations to the environment, these things are amazing and seem to make me happy on a daily basis. But I wonder if I'm the norm, or the outlyer in this perspective?

I wonder if it goes back to the comments about our perspective on fate over on commonbeauty's blog. If we see ourselves as central to the universe and somehow expect something positive in our destiny, do we think we have some control over the outcomes, and therefore find the indications of huge forces that are beyond our understanding and control threatening? If we see ourselves as at most, local in our sphere of influence, and let go of feeling a need to control and take responsibility for the world, do we struggle less and become more appreciative of those things larger than us? Or more reckless? Or is it entirely individual, borne out of the feelings of security we learn in the first year of our life, vulnerable to everything?

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